POWER HUNGRY

I probably should never be trusted with a huge amount of personal power.

Because I think I would abuse it.



No, let me correct that last statement.

I KNOW I would abuse it.



Put me in a position of authority, and I become the ultimate team player - a bunch of people doing what I want them to be doing.

So yesterday when I was temporarily asked to direct our ward choir practice, I knew what would happen.

And boy, did that feel good.

DEPARTMENT OF REDUNDANCY DEPARTMENT

I often joke that one of the advantages of having Alzheimer's is that every time you see a movie or read a book, you're still surprised at the ending.

I'm guilty of seeing movies again and again and again.

And I read books until quite literally the cover is worn away.

I don't think it's completely my poor memory.

If the writing/directing/acting is good/outstanding/unique, I simply like seeing it again. I don't get easily bored - I can appreciate the performance each time.

I love romantic comedies - the girl always get the guy.

I will listen to a song I love over and over and over; I don't seem to ever get tired of it.

Or is it simply trying to have some control over my life?

I can't stabilize most things - I can't control my brother's infection - I can't decide if my husband's job is going to be there next week. I have had horses die, I have animals become ill, I have lost people in my life.

Friendships change - relationships change - change is the only constant.

But "While You Were Sleeping" will always make me smile - "Lord of the Rings" will always put me right into Middle Earth - George Michael's "Father Figure" will always have me singing along.


Maybe it's a good thing.

CONTROL IS ONLY AN ILLUSION

Hello, my name is Hope, and I am a control freak.

I have been control-free for 32 seconds.

When I was little, my mom was unable to let anyone do anything in her presence with taking over. She could not allow anyone to cook - clean - do the laundry - because they might do it wrong. She drove herself more than slightly crazy by holding down full-time employment and not accepting any help with anything.

So I have been working almost all my life on being control-free - laid-back - going with the flow.

Yesterday, it all came crashing down on me - there are some things that I cannot let go.

1. I cannot deal with poorly designed forms.

It's just like an painting historian looking at the original Mona Lisa with a crudely-drawn mustache scribbled on with a Magic Marker.

When the space bar is used instead of the hard tabs so it doesn't line up correctly when printed, it literally hurts my eyes.

When the font looks like my old manual Royal typewriter, I begin to grind my teeth.

Form creation is a serious art form to me, so this is sacrilege.


and 2. When someone is in a dangerous position around horses.

People can drive without their seat-belts, drink themselves into a stupor and wander out on the interstate, and walk with sharps knifes pointed right at their chest, and eh, it's their lire, it is their choice. Gets the stupid genes out of the pool.

BUT when an inexperience rider has her foot almost completely through the stirrup - when someone wanders just within reach of a horse's kicking range without even attempting to make the horse aware of their presence - when a rider is leading forward over the horse's neck going downhill....

I want to SCREAM.

Not because anyone might get hurt.

Just because it's STUPID and they should KNOW better.

Deep breath.

Yellow Pages.

Now... Twelve Step Programs for Control-Freaks....