Today was a medley of violent mood swings. I am rarely angry, scared and/or irritated, so combine this with all three occurring within a few minutes...
I would blame it on PMS, but since I have had a complete hysterectomy a few years ago (thanks again, Harmony, for coming out here for that), that can't really be responsible.
So it helped to remember that moods are caused by thoughts, and I can (normally) control those thoughts (we won't get into chemical inbalances in this entry, at least).
And although I am not being paid to promote this book, I also do not wish to be accused of plagiarism, so I am quoting directly from the Elizabeth Gilbert book "Eat, Pray, Love - One Woman's Search for Everything Across Italy, India and Indonesia" - see if this sounds familiar to you:
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The following morning, I arrive right on time for the 4:00 a.m. meditation session which always starts the day here. We are meant to sit for an hour in , but I log the minutes as if they are miles - sixty brutal miles that I have to endure. By mile/minute fourteen, my nerves have started to go, my knees are breaking down and I'm overcome with exasperation. Which is understandable, given that the conversations between me and my mind during meditation generally go something like this:
ME: OK, we're going to meditate now. Let's draw our attention to our breath and focus on the mantra. Om Namah Shivaya. Om Namah Shiv---
MIND: I can help you out with this, you know!
ME: OK, good, because I need your help. Let's go. Om Namah Shivaya. Om Namah Shiv--
MIND: I can help you think of nice meditative images. Like - hey, here's a good one. Imagine you are a temple. A temple on an island! And the island is in the ocean!
ME: Oh, that is a nice image.
MIND: Thanks. I thought of it myself.
ME: But what ocean are we picturing here?
MIND: The Mediterranean. Imagine you're one of those Greek islands, with an old Greek temple on it. No, never mind, that's too touristy. You know what? Forget the ocean. Oceans are too dangerous. Here's a better idea - imagine you're an island in a lake, instead.
ME: Can we meditate now, please? Om Namah Shivaya--
MIND: Yes! Definitely! But try not to picture that the lake is covered with... what are those things called....
ME: Jet Skis?
MIND: Yes! Jet Skies! Those things consume so much fuel! They're really a menace to the environment. Do you know what else uses a lot of fuel? Leaf blowers. You wouldn't think so, but...
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I think I have proven my point. Which (just in case it needs to be stated again) is - you CAN control your thoughts... it just takes a lot of practice... and it DOES help you control your moods (to a point).
I'm babbling now - I just got off the phone after talking 45 minutes (to the second!) with Harmony, and my personal thought-process is completely muddled with Kate-spit-bubbles, knock-knock jokes and field mice tales - wait a minute, who am I? What year is this? What am I trying to control? And (the most important question) WHY am I trying to control ANYthing right now?!
Go to bed, silly woman!
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