STEPPING UP TO THE ABYSS

What is fear?

Webster tags it as "A distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined..."

My favorite acronym is F.E.A.R. - standing for "False Expectations Appearing Real."

Because very, VERY few of our fears are "real" because usually the threat is only in our minds.

We are scared because of something the could happen - we are afraid of what people might think - we fear possibilities, not realities.



I, however, do have one very legitimate fear.

It's being injured by a 1,200 lb. animal.

I have been hurt before, by this particular animal and other horses in general. I've been thrown, stomped on, knocked over, bitten, kicked and head-butted. I've had stitches, extended hospital stays, lots of bruises, and more than my share of pain and achiness (did I just invent that word?).

So just a smidgen of my fear may feel legitimate.

But I also know horses very well - in particular the one I own myself - and am fairly confident of my ability to boss them around and AVOID the aforementioned injuries.

So today, fighting some of these aforementioned emotions, I took this one animal and spent some time working with him alone in a separate location.

And wasn't hurt in the slightest.

LEVELS OF JOY

Most of us have an inner child.

Some of us are born old souls.

However, please let me describe the ranges of age displayed by my 28 year old daughter in about six hours today:

Age 2: Sheer and complete joy when told you are going to a movie.

Age 6: The frustration of trying to get both shoes on while someone is waiting for you.

Age 9: Pride at being able to purchase a movie ticket on your very own.

Age 13:  Beginning to cry when mommy won't give you enough to buy popcorn also.

Age 15: Embarrasment by your mom picking you up outside the mall after the movie ends.

Age 18: Telling your mom the movie's entire plot to the point of being annoying.

Age 14: Trying to defend the disaster that your apartment is in, and mom has been cleaning the entire time you've been at the movie.

Age 10: Putting away, with loud and violent protest, five items mom had left for you to take care of.

Age 4: Dissolving into tears when being told what must be cleaned up before tomorrow.

I feel as though I have aged years.

EMOTIONAL BLACK-HOLDS

I don't know much about black holes.

Actually, I don't know much about anything except chocolate consumption and training overly cuddling and spoilt lap-horses.

But I digress.

So I'm going to quote a National Geographic site: "Because they are so small, distant, and dark, black holes cannot be directly observed. Yet scientists have confirmed their long-held suspicions that they exist. This is typically done by measuring mass in a region of the sky and looking for areas of large, dark mass."

But then this site says: "Black holes may not be totally black.  Infalling material can get hot enough to glow. (And) sometimes black holes are so bright they can outshine an entire galaxy.  Supermassive black holes can be so luminous we can see them from distances of billions of light years."

And then this is: "Now imagine an object with such an enormous concentration of mass in such a small radius that its escape velocity was greater than the velocity of light. Then, since nothing can go faster than light, nothing can escape the object's gravitational field. Even a beam of light would be pulled back by gravity and would be unable to escape. "

Hmm... like many things, we think we know what  we only think.

But back to the story (yeah, believe it or not, this blog isn't just about scientific theories - HA!).

This afternoon was spent allowing a familiar albeit frustrating and enormous emotional drainage ditch to empty my rapidly-depleted reserves of petite persistence.

I am exhausted.