SKINNY JEANS

We as women are all familiar with "fat days."

Times when our regular jeans are suddenly uncomfortably tight - the t-shirt is just a little bit more snug - even our toes need to be jammed into our shoes.

Especially as women with menstrual cycles, this becomes a disquieting and monthly occurrence for the majority of our lives.

Today I unexpectedly had a "skinny" day.

Now, my uterus left me about six years ago, so I can't blame it either way. 

I hadn't changed anything I ate or drank today.

I certainly haven't been losing weight, although my goal of being my college-weight has remained firmly attached to my bathroom cabinet for years... as well as the feeling of frustration and failure as I continue to lug around the extra 45 lbs. right around my middle.

But today as I got ready for church, I actually felt like my clothes were loose.

As I walked across the parking lot to enter our chapel, I felt light on my feet.

When I settled down in my regular pew, there wasn't the regular feeling of sheer extra mass oozing around me.

And as I put on my regular everyday go-feed-the-horses-and-prepare-to-be-covered-with-hay-hair-and-humidity jeans, they felt unrestricted and almost slack.

Okay, people, how can I put this into a bottle and market it?

DANGER, WILL ROBINSON, DANGER

I am climbing onto my soap box. Now I am standing on the top of my soap box. And I am getting to ready to speak from my soap box.

DISCLAIMER: Anyone reading from this point on has been warned.

As Latter-Day Saints in the United States of American, we are extremely patriotic. We serve in the military, we vote, we get involved in politics, we express our opinions - rather loudly at times, I must admit.

However, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints "has emphasized its political neutrality." Elder Ballard (stated) "We have members in the Church of all political persuasions... We encourage our people to get involved, to participate in party politics, to vote. But which party and which candidates are matters for them to decide."

The Church also states its members are expected to "respect the fact that members of the Church come from a variety of backgrounds and experiences and may have differences of opinion in partisan political matters."  Even "elected officials who are Latter-day Saints make their own decisions and may not necessarily be in agreement with one another or even with a publicly stated Church position.... these officials still must make their own choices based on their best judgment and with consideration of the constituencies whom they were elected to represent. "

So WHY OH WHY then do loving, extremely well-intentioned and educated members continue to insist in church meetings/lessons/announcements that:

1. All good, faithful Mormons of course are aghast (isn't that a cool word? It sounds aghast. It's from the 3th century, obsolete use of agast as "frighten" and the Old English gāst "spirit, ghost) (okay, back to the ranting now) that the "liberals" are running and ruining the country.

2. We must "get back to our roots, to the basic ideas of the founding fathers."

Listen, I hate to remind you of this, but our founding fathers threw a REVOLUTION (defined as "a sudden, radical, or complete change in political organization - the overthrow or renunciation of one government and the substitution of another"), which is about the furthest from the average day-to-day Mormon you can find in the U.S.

I won't get into the average age of the 'framers of the Constitution', what happened to 79% of them after they signed it, and how all of this means that God has his hand in U.S. politics and is guiding this land...

Except, of course, when He isn't, such as when there is a (GASP!) Democratic majority in D.C.

Begging your pardon, although I am proud to be an American, and think this is a lovely country, I do not believe that, however inspired and good the originators of our means of government, they created the one, infallible and everlasting regime that will usher in the Kingdom come.

The design of our republic (and yes, it is a republic, not a democracy) is intended to encompass the inevitable and necessary change of a new and growing country -- and it's continued growth and development.

We aren't to return to our nation's embryonic state - it wasn't meant or designed for that.

Okay.

I am now stepping down from my soap box.

Thank you for your attention.

THE ROAR OF THE CROWD

McDonald's marketing department, bless their tiny little souls, have made certain services an essential part of American culture:

- Vaguely warm piles of processed... well, processed something, liberally drowned in stale condiments, which we can gulp down before we reach the next traffic light

- Slices of healthy vegetables  fried and salted completely beyond recognition

- Huge ice-crammed cheap sodas in flimsy containers which threaten to collapse into themselves and form a unique black hole in the middle console of your Toyota.

- Drive-thrus (and Sierra Vista. Arizona was the location of the VERY FIRST ONE, I would like to note, for Mickey-Dee's) where you can order unhealthy and fattening food items without even having to work off a grand total of 14 calories by getting your butt out of the car and walking ten feet to the counter of the 'restaurant.'

- And indoor playgrounds, made of plastic tubing, slides, ramps and plastic matting.

The greatest impact of this last item would be in regions of cold long dark winter days (did you know the first shopping mall was in Kalamazoo, Michigan?), where playgrounds were inaccessible for five months and house-bound moms were ready to murder any small loud child - places like Kalamazoo - Milwaukee - Buffalo, New York.

But to be able to purchase the afore-mentioned warm, unwholesome 
foods and then turn your children loose on an enclosed area (which someone was actually PAID to design specifically for your offspring to injure themselves) while you could drink coffee and talk to your neighbours... pure heaven.

It does seem ludicrous here in paradise- you can get fresh and HOT food on almost any street corner, the weather is perfect 362 days of the year, there are parks everywhere.

But the McDonald's I and Kate stepped into late this morning had a bathroom (when a three year-old tells you she needs to "GO POTTY RIGHT NOW", you find one IMMEDIATELY), and it had one of those huge indoor playgrounds.

So I bought a newspaper (since I don't drink coffee), and sat down to watch Kate play with probably seven other kids on the varying levels, slides and climbing bars.

It was sorta fun.

And then the Pearl Harbor Holy Family School Pre-School Class, all 38 screaming, crying and low-blood-sugar-before-lunch two and three year-olds, poured in.

When the decibel level hit 125, I grabbed Kate and we left.

Sometimes I am grateful I already have permanent hearing loss.