WEAKNESS? ME?

I have a lot of weaknesses, but the challenge I took says to list just five.


1. I'm impatient. With other people - with  myself - with life in general. When I want something, I want it NOW. And I'm impatient with anyone who doesn't want it as quickly as I do!

I am one of those well-if-it-gets-done-quickly-it-doesn't-really-matter-if-it's-done well person. I am fast and sloppy... but mainly sloppy.


2. I am scared of quite a few things. Heights - well, actually, falling DOWN from heights.  Angry people - okay, probably getting HIT and damaged by angry people.



3. I am not, and never ever WILL be, a morning person.




4. I am confident... a tad too much. I am pretty certain that I'll get through anything and/or everything. I think I could use a touch more humility - I'm working on it.



And 5. I am very guilty of judging people way too quickly. For someone who is incredibly sloppy in her personal appearance, I rapidly rate someone by their personal appearance MUCH too soon. I immediately take into account their physical fitness (weight, height, firmness) - and as a (relatively) short, fat person.... this is STUPID.

HIDING UNDERNEATH MY BED

Yes, I react to many things the same as a young child.

I'm scared of things I don't know anything about.

I drool when I see chocolate... heck, I drool if I THINK about chocolate.

And I'm frightened by loud noises.

This late afternoon, we had a severe thunderstorm that hung right over the roof of our house for about four days... at least it felt like four days.

So the dog, the cat and I hid under the blankets together and shook.

STEPPING UP TO THE ABYSS

What is fear?

Webster tags it as "A distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined..."

My favorite acronym is F.E.A.R. - standing for "False Expectations Appearing Real."

Because very, VERY few of our fears are "real" because usually the threat is only in our minds.

We are scared because of something the could happen - we are afraid of what people might think - we fear possibilities, not realities.



I, however, do have one very legitimate fear.

It's being injured by a 1,200 lb. animal.

I have been hurt before, by this particular animal and other horses in general. I've been thrown, stomped on, knocked over, bitten, kicked and head-butted. I've had stitches, extended hospital stays, lots of bruises, and more than my share of pain and achiness (did I just invent that word?).

So just a smidgen of my fear may feel legitimate.

But I also know horses very well - in particular the one I own myself - and am fairly confident of my ability to boss them around and AVOID the aforementioned injuries.

So today, fighting some of these aforementioned emotions, I took this one animal and spent some time working with him alone in a separate location.

And wasn't hurt in the slightest.

9/11

The tenth anniversary of the 9/11 terrorist attack is this coming Sunday.

I don't think I can take it.

So I'm hoping that writing about it can help me get through this.

Yes, I remember 9/11. My husband woke me up, and said he had been called into work because "a plane crashed into the World Towers."

I got up immediately and turned on CNN. And watched as the second plane hit the second tower.

And yes, the world changed at that moment.

I never looked at a jet the same way again.

I spoke to more relatives in the next couple of weeks than I had in years.

My husband's job was suddenly much more important and his opinion a lot more valued.

I kept expecting 9/11 to happen again. And again. And again.

Our nation's innocence, if it can be called that, was taken away.

And I don't want to re-live it. I don't want to go over it again. I don't want to see the towers crash. I don't want to see the people running away, and jumping out the windows to their death, and the first responders racing in.

I don't think I'm a bad person. I just don't want to see it all again. I don't want to feel that pain - and that fear - and that pain.

WHY ARE WE SO AFRAID?

This was posted on a blog I follow, and it is just perfect. This blackboard gets erased every day - which is the perfect way to deal with fears:

1. Acknowledge them. Fears are a very real, honest emotional response to many things.

2. However, 99.9% of the time, our fears are of something that might happen - that is possible, at least in our mind, but it HAS NOT OCCURRED yet.

Some fears are life-saving - fears of heights, weapons, dangerous situations can keep us alive.

But most fears ARE NOT OF REAL THINGS, they are of POSSIBILITIES which can APPEAR real to our minds and thoughts.

So I love the image of simply wiping them out.

Your thoughts cannot hurt you unless you allow them to.

FEAR IS THE MIND-KILLER

I do not consider myself a "fearful" person. I've jumped out of an airplane  - I live in a drug & people smuggling corridor - I worked in Baltimore for two years - I've been through a 6.8 earthquake - I had three teenagers at home at one time - I routinely encounter rattlesnakes and tarantulas - and I have a 16.1 hand horse who continually tries to crawl in my lap like a little puppy.

But last night I jumped and screamed like a little girl.


I turned down my bed comforter, and found a big spider just SITTING there.

Now I can courageously face the fact that there are multiple spiders, mice, flies, and 26 year- old young men who call my home their home. I may not like sharing, but I can put up with it. I can even accept that while I am asleep, I probably do regularly have spiders sharing my personal space.

But I just can't get my head around FINDING them while the lights are still on.

Somebody wanna come over tonight and spend the night?

DENTOPHOBIA WITH TRYPANOPHOBIA

Phobias are, by definition, irrational.

I have acrophbia (fear of heights), and pteridophobia (fear of ferns), and hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia(fear of long words), (and yes, I am kidding about the last two).

Again, they don't have to be reasonable in any way, shape of form, but often originate from a bad experience with the thing that becomes the phobia (I'm certain that can be stated better, but I'm in a hurry tonight - it's getting late).

I think it's interesting that a lot of phobias seem to be hereditary - genetic, or simply learned?

But back to the story.

My husband suffers from dentophobia - fear of dentists - from a bad experience with one when he was little (stupid DDS or DMD or BDent or more likely some "Medical Degree By Mail") who slapped him).

So... maybe it really isn't a phobia

And for years, he has been literally letting his teeth rot away.

It finally got painful enough (three broken molars and 80 lbs. lighten... hmm... this could possible be marketed as another diet plan... see my other blog later tonight....) that he agreed to see a dentist.

Who then referred him quickly to an oral surgeon.

Who then scheduled the removal of the tooth in the worse shape on (wait for it) THE DAY BEFORE THANKSGIVING.

I mean, really.

A LITTLE TIME TO GET LOST

I am leaving home for six days, and I am terrified.

I'm not scared of flying - I've flown over the Pacific ocean enough times and watched "Lost" more than anyone should - and I am convinced if I ever am in a plane that crashes, it just means I'll be stuck with Sayid for at least four seasons - YES!

And even though I am going to what is probably the most BORING small town in the universe (look up the word "stodgy" in the dictionary - there is a photo of my mother-in-law's home town next to it), I am certain I can sit and nod and listen to her stories and mentally be a thousand miles away... hmm, perhaps with Sayid.... no, don't go there.

But I am leaving someone else in charge of my house... and my animals... and even the neighbor's animals (I'm watching them while they're in Texas).

My son.

I know he will feed the animals - I'm just worried about WHEN .

I am certain he'll separate the horses - I'm slightly concerned about him remembering to put them BACK.

He will walk the dogs... sometime.

And I am UTTERLY CONVINCED that my house will be standing when

I get back in six days....

But just barely.

So is there anyway that someone can guarantee that I AM gonna get some time with Sayid?!

I'll be able to leave happier then.