ANNOUNCEMENT OF MY CANDIDACY

I am throwing my hat into the arena of the 2012 Presidency because of the following Huffington Post notice: "Fox News has suspended the contributor contracts of Newt Gingrich and Rick Santorum, two high-profile Republicans widely believed to be running for president in 2012, for 60 days, the channel announced Wednesday."

Seriously, people, something must be done to detract voters from these two - something besides the additional terror of even considering Sarah Palin - or Huckabee (yuck!). Please, America, you cannot be serious about these clowns!

My platform can be stated in one concise sound bite:

"NAPS FOR ALL!"

I will run for the sole aim of increasing the average America citizen's sleep/REM time, with a direct corresponding decline in crime, martial difficulties, road rage and consumption of Hostess Twinkles at 3:04 a.m.

Can I count on your vote?

THE SUPER BOWL AT AGE 6

Watching a group of five and six year-old boys play tag-football is way beyond amusing.

They all LOVE hiking the ball at the beginning.

And the whatever the-stomping-on-the-ground-in-place-with-your-feet-way-apart is called.

Shouting out their team name together is fun.

But then some things are just a wee bit difficult for them.

Such as actually catching a football that comes up in your face unexpectedly.

Watching where the football actually goes.

Listening to what your coach is screaming at you to do.

And, what seems to be scariest of all, is someone who suddenly is running after you with the obvious intent of HITTING you and knocking you TO THE GROUND.

At times like these, running wildly away from everyone else on the field seems perfectly reasonable and logical.