AN OBVIOUS ANSWER TO ABORTION

I honestly can't believe no one has thought of this - or proposed something along these lines.



All you anti-abortion people - the ones who print the helpless fetus photos - who talk about the inhumanity, the cruelty...


Two things, first.

#1 - When you save this little tiny infant from the evil abortion doctor/wire hanger, and the baby is born to an unwed, single young mother.... you then, OBVIOUSLY, are going to BE there to help this mom raise this beautiful child.



#2 - And since the FATHER of this lovely, innocent child is OF COURSE just as involved in the care, treatment and provision of this dear sweet baby.... you then, OBVIOUSLY, are going to do DNA testing, track down who the donor of this sperm cell was, and have THEM help out.



When you have #1 and #2 lined up and working, THEN you can campaign against abortion and call yourself "Pro-Life."

GOD AND MR GOMEZ

Memories are what you choose to remember.

Some parts of my childhood are blank. Not blurred, or fuzzy, but like erased. I don't think I had horrible experiences that needed to be expunged - maybe just not enough RAM.

But certain parts are extremely clear.

For one, the relationship between myself, my father, and the Los Angeles Times.

It may be difficult for those of you younger than 50 to comprehend, but the daily newspaper used to be the main source of news. There was no Internet or Twitter or email - CNN didn't exist - for years there weren't any morning news shows.

But the morning paper, traditionally thrown in the bushes in front of your house by a young boy on a bicycle, would turn your fingers inky black while over breakfast you read about what the Russians were saying, what Washington was saying back, and the latest serial murderer being hunted in some metropolitan area.

The comics were only one sheet, but worth fighting with your older brother over who got to read first. "Dear Abby" was for grown-ups - horoscopes also.

And I would daily turn to the classifieds in the consistent (albeit irrational) delusion that someday under "Horses," the following advertisement would appear:

"Free beautiful, healthy 8 year old gelding to be given to 12 year old over 5'9" tall, as well as all tack and grooming supplies in addition to first seven years free boarding and feeding costs at local S.P. stable. Call 213-555-1212 immediately to arrange for transportation."

And something my dad and I also shared was the weekly column by Jack Smith.

It was always succinct, direct and usually droll. My dad just loved it, and since I loved my dad so much, of course I did also.

So why am I rambling on about this, and is this going anywhere?

Our book club is meeting at my house next week, which means I suggested the book for discussion.

It was "God and Mr. Gomez" by Jack Smith.

Reading the book for probably the 57th time, I am continually warmed by Smith's phrasing, descriptions and drollity (is that a word? should it be?).

And you know why?

It reminds me of my dad.

I miss him.

LA O NA MAKUAHINE

Do you wonder where some holidays have come from?

I mean, other than being invented by Hallmark for the purpose of selling more cards.

The American Mother's Day was invented by an Anna Jarvis (this is straight from Wikipedia, which, as Michael Scott puts it, "the greatest source of information, because anyone can write on it").

Ms. Jarvis succeeded in 1914 in making Mother's Day a recognized holiday.

HOWEVER (and this is the fun part), "by the 1920's, (she) had become soured on the commercialization on the holiday.

Anne "and her sister spent their family inheritance campaigning against the holiday... she became embittered because too many people sent their mother a printed greeting card. As she said, 'A printed card means nothing except you are too lazy to write to the woman who has done more for you than anyone in the world.'"

Can anyone tell Hallmark this?

Or at least the 4,299,361 people who purchase a Mother's Day card

And people (like me) who FORGET to send Mother Day flowers to their mother-in-law until the day before and so end up spending a ridiculous amount of money so it'll GET there tomorrow.

Mother's Day has never been a huge thing with me - mostly because I was born on Mother's Day, so my birthday is always within that week.

And I like my birthday a WHOLE lot.

I like getting older (really, I do).

I love the fact that I was born on the 13th, since it's considered an unlucky number by so many people.

And I am egotistical enough to LOOOVE the fact that it's just MY day.

Not the (let's estimate here, population for the US for 2008 was put at 304,059,724 - divide that by, let's say 35% - carry the two - wait, is * to divide, or is that to determine pi - okay, let's go with) 10,6420,903 other mothers in the United States.

But in case you haven't already, CALL YOUR MOTHER.

(And although the urban myth is about Father's Day being the day that the most collect phones are made, did you know that Mother's Day is the SECOND?)