TAKING THE KIDS TO CHURCH

Being with a 7 and 10 year old during LDS church services offers a different set of challenges.

Instead of sitting quietly, there is a lot more movement.

And discussion. Of just about anything, during the time you are trying to be quiet.


And usage of paper.

And pencils.




But some great pictures to take home at the end of services.

And a greater appreciation of what their parents go through every week.

And some good memories.

HEAD OVER HEELS

I CAN'T BELIEVE WE STILL HAVE TO DEAL WITH THIS CRAP

I can't write this on Facebook with unleashing an avalanche of right-wing indignation from many of my friends -- and I don't think anyone besides myself and very occasionally my oldest daughter read this blog, so....

RECOGNITION OF GAYS IN THE MILITARY:

Gosh, I remember when the idea of allowing women to serve in combat units was COMPLETELY unacceptable - it would destroy the balance of the military - no military unit would function correctly ever again...

Seems like there was quite a big fuss when African-Americans/blacks/even 'colored' were allowed to serve in racially diverse units.

What do you people really think allowing homosexuals to publicly admit their sexual preference will DO? Suddenly the majority of our children are going to suddenly 'become' gay? Gay men are going to rape straight men in public restrooms? What is it you fear? Or are you that unsure of your own sexuality that you are afraid that your preferences may suddenly change?

I can understand that some people think homosexual love is wrong - okay, that's their view.

But I'm a heck of a lot more concerned about men who beat their wives - people who sexually abuse children - girls who are forced into prostitution - parents who abuse their children - people who push drugs - homeless people who have to live in the streets - people who are hungry and unhealthy and have no one to turn to.



Aren't these problems just a little bit more important than a couple of men who love each other?





ALLOWING CERTAIN CHILDREN OF ILLEGAL IMMIGRATES TO REMAIN LEGALLY:

This again seems so obvious to me.

The parents illegally entered the United States at one time.

Most of them were looking for work - for a better life for their family - freedom - the chance to do more and have education for their children.

If any of you have spent any time in Mexico, you have seen the squalor and wretchedness of the living conditions of the poor.

If any of us had to live in those conditions, we would want to enter the United States illegal too.

Why should the children have to pay for their parents' "misdeeds"?

Then I should have to pay all the federal taxes my father got away without paying for decades by having students pay him in cash.

I should be responsible for all the medical supplies my mother pilfered from various medical offices.

Heck, I should have to pay back all the income a certain relative of mine earned by living a lie.

Does that seem right to you?

 This sign sums it up perfectly for me.

YES VIRGINIA THERE IS A SANTA CLAUS

I have become overly cynical over the years as Christmas becomes more and more commercial and less spiritual.

Not that it was ever really very spiritual - I mean, I grew up with the same lengthy, greedy Christmas lists, outrageous prices on dead trees, and fat men in red suits that supposedly dropped down the chimney and traveled via arial domesticated caribou.

But when our local paper ran a "Christmas Letters from Children," I assumed it was simply more tree slaughter to publish additional commercials for more bizarre spending due to guilt and bribery.

I was surprised.

Here are some samples (and for once, the spelling can be blamed on someone besides myself):


Dear Santa Claus,

How are you? Who is your favorite elf? Do you like cookies and Milk? What would you like for Chrismas. I think you have a hard job.

Thank for do all you can you are the best in the holl wrd.

Thank you for giving me that toy that I got last year. Santa, can you get something for my parents?

Could you bring my dog a pillo and blankit to keep her warm? Can you bring her play toy?

I hope your rain dear are doing well. Is Roodallf real? What kind of cookies have you ben eating?

Hi Santa Claus how are you doing? I helped a kid hurt on the street, but I kicked a man too. Santa Claus if you think I have been good enough the only thing I would want would be a great Christmas.

I have been a good girl, I think. What I want for Christmas is to bring my family for Christmas. Also thank you Santa for being sweet, hearted man.

I know your broke because of the economy. Don’t worry I got some bucks for you don’t waste it.

This Christmas I would like for my brothers to come. He is in boot camp in Missouri. Also my sister to come down and spend time since we haven’t seen them in a long time.

I was really good thes year. I wont for Christmas is learn how to draw books to make my brother mad.

I have been bad but I have inproved. You can sleep on the couch and you can use one of my pillows. I will leave you a cup of mile and cookies.

I have been good because my nina has cancer. I give my dog a home from the pound. I help my mom clean. I will like my nina well because my mom is sad. Thank you for looking out for me. Thank you Santa have a safe trip.

I’ve been on my best behavior all year long, I only want to write you because you write me. I want to thank you for that jolly feeling I get when Christmas is here. I don’t want presents. I want family around. That’s what I ask you.

I have been helpful with people I am carin for little and big kids everywhere. I washed a wall that had a big kid wrote cuse words and bad works. Since I have been responsible I would be so thankful if I got a phone and my dad to come back for Christmas cause I miss him a lot. Thank you for getting me everything I wanted that’s while I will aways beive in you. Have a safe trip.

I’v been naughty. I am fun, loveable and intellageent. I am nice and sometimes not. I would like my uncle to come home safe I want it cause he is family and I love him. Have a safe trip. P.O. Is Roudouf real?

How are you? How is your wife? I made a special key for you to get in because I don’t have a chimney. It’s o.k. if you don’t want to answer this but how do you find the elfs?

Suddenly, I feel much better about Christmas this year.

THY WILL BE DONE

I am feeling particularly sympathetic towards Heavenly Father this week.

That sounds pretty arrogant, doesn't it?

But God has children, and he has to deal with a whole lot more than I have. He gave them all a pretty good game plan.... if they would just shut up and FOLLOW it like good kids.

But we think, oh, yeah, we know better, and we definitely know more than God way up in heaven, so we'll just keep advising Him to do things the way that we want it.

When it's put that way, I feel a little bit silly about some of my prayers. And now that I have an offspring who acts that way towards me, and as always, it is much easier to recognize it when someone else is doing it.

Enlightenment comes when you accept God's will as your own. I've got a long, long way to go down that path, but being a parent can sometimes give you an advantage in perspective.

DAY THREE

0530 - Awakened by clock-radio set to annoying AM talk station.
0531 - Radio thrown out window.
0545 - Discovered solar heater doesn't hold heat through night.
0600 - Awoke grandson. Awoke granddaughter.
0602 - Awoke grandson again.
0605 - Dressed both grandchildren.
0614 - Discovered breakfast cereal on floor instead of mouths.
0615 - Changed clothing of granddaughter; cereal not on floor on shirt.

0635 - Began to herd grandchildren out to van.
0655 - Buckled in both grandchildren. Began commute to kindergarten.
0705 - Traveled 2.4 miles. Memorizing major sections of the DVD "Cars".
0725 - Approached entrance to H1 while leads into Honolulu.
0735 - Began driving on H1 into Honolulu.
0750 - Arrived at school and dropped off grandson.

1630 - Began preparations for dinner.
1631 - Toy soldiers scattered through kitchen.
1632 - Organized toy pick-up time for grandchildren to take care of.
1720 - Picked up toy soldiers by self.
1721 - Began preparations for dinner.
1722 - Discovered box of macaroni and cheese missing.
1738 - Discovered box in toy solider container.
1740 - Ordered home delivery for pizza.

1900 - Began bath preparations for children.
1901 - Granddaughter hysterical - tropical breeze from bathroom window.
1902 - Granddaughter hysterical - bath water too hot.
1903 - Granddaughter hysterical - breeze meeting wet body removed from hot bath.
1908 - Grandson bodily removed - Weeble-Wobble thrown at younger sibling.
1909 - 2.8 gallons water dumped on floor in process.
1913 - Grandson returned to bath water after lecture on harm to siblings.
1914 - Changed own soaked clothing.
1930 - Grandson shampooed own hair under direct supervision.
1935 - Granddaughter hysterical about having hair shampooed.
1958 - 5 towels used to dry children, and 6 to mop up floor.
1959 - Debating possible intake of whiskey.

2035 - Popped popcorn, allowed children to watch "Madagascar" for 15 minutes.
2050 - Got vacuum cleaner to deal with scattered kernels.
2052 - Granddaughter hysterical at sight of vacuum cleaner.
2053 - Hid in laundry room for later use.

2107 - Both children in bed.
2108 - Began conversation with vacationing daughter.
2109 - Stopped conversation to check on crying granddaughter.
2110 - Administered ice pack to bruised bridge nose/upper cheek.
2153 - Sang "Mockingbird" song 128 times while rocking with ice pack to eye and suffering major guilt trip.
2154 - Unable to determine cause of injury -crib bars, toy truck, or Play-Dough toy
2155 - Major guilt trip for not detecting objects in crib.
2154 - Called vacationing daughter to admit granddaughter may have first black eye while under grandmother's care.
2200 - Collapsed into bed after mindlessly writing blog report.

Whiskey idea rejected, replaced by Diet Coke. Further report tomorrow.

WANNA BET ON THAT?

There a lot of differences between men and women.


No, let me rephrase that. There are hardly any similarities between men and women. It isn't "women are from Venus, men are from Mars" - women are from Earth, and men are from a galaxy far, far away that obviously still operates under primeval laws of survival.


But tonight, a man (read that "primitive life form") tried to convince me that his wife (read "mature intelligent adult"), whom I also have known for the past, uh, let's see, nine plus years (read that "know from personal experience to be a awesome woman"), would NOT pay any reasonable airfare to see any potential (read that "now with two married children, bounded to happen soon") grandchildren.


HA!


I have discovered the reward for not killing our own children through their terrible-twos, the fiendish fours, stinking sevens, terrible tens, precocious pre-adolescents, temper-tantrum-throwing teenagers and all-knowing-and-condescending young adult....


... is that eventually, hopefully, they give you wonderful, incredible and dear grandchildren that you can nurture, spoil and just generally fall in love all over again.