YES WE HAVE NO BANANAS

I am very sympathetic towards fast-food employees.

I've worked at McDonald's, Wendy's, a local burger joint, and ran a pizza stand.

It's incredibly DIFFICULT to decipher mumbled orders, get the cooks to make the order correct, handle the cash and order while the next people in line are already mad at you for taking so long.

You're not generally working with high quality supplies - and the clock is ticking the instant the customer steps up to the counter or the car pulls up to the speaker.

And these are people who generally have a couple of hours training, have passed a food handler test, and are being paid minimum wage at best.

Maybe that's why I am perhaps overly considerate of giving fast food orders - I make certain I know in advance what I want, and exactly how I want it prepared. I speak slowly and enunciate clearly - my orders are NOT misunderstood.

So today when I paid for a sandwich, and did NOT get the sandwich I ordered, I was sorely tempted to go back and throw it in their faces.

But I didn't - it was edible - I wasn't ridiculously overcharged - and it wasn't all that important.

I ate it - and actually enjoyed it.

THE ROAR OF THE CROWD

McDonald's marketing department, bless their tiny little souls, have made certain services an essential part of American culture:

- Vaguely warm piles of processed... well, processed something, liberally drowned in stale condiments, which we can gulp down before we reach the next traffic light

- Slices of healthy vegetables  fried and salted completely beyond recognition

- Huge ice-crammed cheap sodas in flimsy containers which threaten to collapse into themselves and form a unique black hole in the middle console of your Toyota.

- Drive-thrus (and Sierra Vista. Arizona was the location of the VERY FIRST ONE, I would like to note, for Mickey-Dee's) where you can order unhealthy and fattening food items without even having to work off a grand total of 14 calories by getting your butt out of the car and walking ten feet to the counter of the 'restaurant.'

- And indoor playgrounds, made of plastic tubing, slides, ramps and plastic matting.

The greatest impact of this last item would be in regions of cold long dark winter days (did you know the first shopping mall was in Kalamazoo, Michigan?), where playgrounds were inaccessible for five months and house-bound moms were ready to murder any small loud child - places like Kalamazoo - Milwaukee - Buffalo, New York.

But to be able to purchase the afore-mentioned warm, unwholesome 
foods and then turn your children loose on an enclosed area (which someone was actually PAID to design specifically for your offspring to injure themselves) while you could drink coffee and talk to your neighbours... pure heaven.

It does seem ludicrous here in paradise- you can get fresh and HOT food on almost any street corner, the weather is perfect 362 days of the year, there are parks everywhere.

But the McDonald's I and Kate stepped into late this morning had a bathroom (when a three year-old tells you she needs to "GO POTTY RIGHT NOW", you find one IMMEDIATELY), and it had one of those huge indoor playgrounds.

So I bought a newspaper (since I don't drink coffee), and sat down to watch Kate play with probably seven other kids on the varying levels, slides and climbing bars.

It was sorta fun.

And then the Pearl Harbor Holy Family School Pre-School Class, all 38 screaming, crying and low-blood-sugar-before-lunch two and three year-olds, poured in.

When the decibel level hit 125, I grabbed Kate and we left.

Sometimes I am grateful I already have permanent hearing loss.

NOW AT THE TWILIGHT OF LIFE

I am now approaching the end. It's been 54 years of:

- Moving 29 times
- Occupying various households with 32 (36?) different people
- Probably 26 years of eating nothing but Taco Bell, McDonald's and KFC
- Residing in eight states (of the U.S., not states of mind - then there were be many more than eight, wouldn't there?)
- Working 34 different jobs, at 29 places
- Living in two countries (although some people would argue that California and Hawaii are their own independent nations)
- Being personally responsible for Nestles staying in business by my chocolate consumption
- Promoting peaceful resolutions in multiple tense situations by either bursting into tears or hiding in the closet
- Using 1,932 lbs. printer toner in printing affirmations, sayings, quotes and personal posters to keep me from staying huddled below my sheets every day

And today I realized I own every single thing that I ever wanted.

I have two horses. I have 87 funky little magnets. I have every file folder that has ever been created. I own two PCs, and four laptops (none of which work right now, by the way). I have 32 years worth of journals, diaries, and scraps of paper with bad poetry and/or lyrics for my descendants to plow through (sorry, kids). I have two absolutely incredible grandchildren who are the brightest, greatest and most wonderful individuals to grace this planet.

However, is any of this going to keep me from visiting Target tomorrow afternoon?

Whomever dies with the most toys, still dies -- but yes, more playthings are going to come my way before I kick the bucket.

RUNNIN' ON EMPTY

I am so pleased that http://www.oneminutewriter.blogspot.com/ used one of my 'prompts' for today's writing assignment.

So is the pressure on to write a succinct, sincere and snappy blog? NO! As ever, this is my outlet for the day - who cares if anyone else reads it?! (well, except for Harmony and Jen, of course - I'll cry if you don't).

Today was Official Day #1 in the week-long field research project of "Maintenance and Upkeep of a Two-Year-Old and a Five-Year-Old By An Almost Senior Citizen".

Predictions of physical exhaustion, temper tantrums and body leakage (by the grandma, not the kids) were proven incorrect, although scholarly criticized resources were utilized (i.e. McDonald's Happy Meals, one and a half hours of Wii Mario games, and seven consecutive readings of "The Four Seasons - A Preschoolers Stimulation Package").

Proper physical hygiene was enforced on the children, and hopefully after 2130 hours the senior citizen will be able to sneak a shower in. Nutrition requirements were minimally met, but the excess of both Mini Vanilla Wafers and Go-Go-Yogurts has not yet been approved by our dietary board. Also noted was consumption by the senior researcher of french fries and one Diet Mt. Dew.

Forecasts for tomorrow estimate poor vocal renditions of "Runnin' On Empty" before the 11:55 p.m. pick-up of the kindergartner.

The final reports on this project will continue to be available at http://www.hopelds.blogspot.com/, with the final thesis due sometime in the year 2014.