FREEZING IN MOTION

There is always something to do around here.

Housework, the animals, writing, church responsibilities - and that's without adding the time-draining addictions of Pinterest, Facebook, anything Sherlock related, and this blog.

And I'm not talking just busy-work; I've got feedings, waterings, cleanings and organizationals that are the only reason this house remains upright.

But then I run into a "big" job.

Something that is either a big financial or time matter.

And I freeze.

I can't move.

I can't make a decision - I can't move onto the actual problem - I can't even begin to think about solving the problem.

I know what stops me - pure and simple fear.

I'm afraid of making a money and/or time commitment - I'm scared to ask anyone else for help - I'm petrified that there isn't going to be the money, or if I do spend it, I'll immediately be confronted with another issue where I'll need it - I'm terrified that it won't work out.

So I stop all action, and sort of shut-down for a while.

Usually these freezes are only for a few hours - sometimes as long as a day or two - and then I can get moving again.

But I'm in the midst of one that's been one that's been literally for MONTHS.

It's not an easy decision, but it's an EXTREMELY urgent one.


I finally did what I should have done months ago.

Followed an old itinerary from the book "Dune" by Frank Herbert:

“I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain."

Once that was done, I was fine, moved past and through the fear, made decisions and did what needed to be done.

PREPARING TO DEFEND MY CHOICES

I haven't had great experiences with book clubs. I've belonged to book clubs that are judgmental, rude, limited, and/or completely illogical. I've organized book clubs myself that turned out to be a major mistakes.

Sometimes they work, and sometimes they don't.

I belong to a wonderful book club now. They are kind, considerate people who have a wide interest in literature - we have read biographies, current affairs, literary 'classics', current novels. We have great discussions (after talking about our personal lives for the first hour, of course).

But my reading suggestions have been met with... well, less than an enthusiastic reception.

A few of the books I've chosen, I guess I can understand why people don't get thrilled about.

I only read William Faulkner's "The Reviers" because it was one of the last books on my parents' bookcase  that I hadn't read - and yes, it took me probably five tries to get past the first chapter.

But I was there to tell my book club members' that the rest of the book was worth getting through that first completely incomprehensible beginning.

Yeah, "Dune" by Frank Herbert is hard-core science fiction -- but I love science fiction, and this is just a great book!

So I'm playing it safe this month was "Travels with Charley" by John Steinbeck.

Oh, you say this is the same author as "Tortilla Flats"? "Grapes of Wrath"? How could Steinbeck possibly write an 'easy-read' book?

I'll be extremely surprised if anyone else has actually read it.