BACK IN TIME

Today was a little bit awkward.

To begin with, I had a medical scope shoved through my nostril to examine my throat, and was told there is nothing wrong there (then why does it feel like I have a ball inside my throat?).

Then I stopped by to visit my brother, and bring him some snacks he had requested - only to literally have him throw the bags of chips I had brought back at me, in a fit of anger that they weren't the kind he wanted.

And then this evening at a meeting for a fundraising concert I am volunteering for, felt like the only girl in the junior high class that doesn't get asked to dance - simply by NOT being asked to help with one particular event, because "we need the pretty women to run this one."

It's ridiculous to feel ostracised at age 58. It's outrageous to be treated by to a temper-tantrum throwing fit by an older sibling. It's especially stupid to let someone else's concept of 'beauty' throw a monkey-wrench into my self-image.

I'm not beautiful, and I'm okay with that - most of the time. I grew up being continually compared to my cute, short, blond and blue-eyed nieces. I was always the tallest, the awkward one stooped over in the back row (and is is fun to remember now how incredibly skinny I was back then).

But tonight I feel extra homely, very overweight, dumpy, and frumpy.

And I don't like it.

At all.