BAD MEMORIES OF CHRISTMASES PAST

I didn't like Christmas much growing up.

The presents were always fun, and I liked all the Christmas caroling and shopping and preparing treats beforehand.

But Christmas day almost always turned out to be horrible.

Or perhaps the awful ones simply block out the  memory of any good ones which may have happened.

I do remember going over to my oldest sister's house almost every Christmas.

Her house was always the sort you see in Better Homes and Gardens magazines - gorgeous array of lights, huge decorated tree, festival boughs, red red ribbons, scents of cinnamon and apple (years before they had candles with those scents) as well as turkey and freshly baked bread.

But even as a child, I could feel all the tension that played along with this lovely scenery.

I know my mother's concepts of Christmas were always larger than life - she wanted to outdo my sister by a couple of miles - and her frustration at not being able to achieve this ideal seemed to send dangerous sparks into all those tinder-filled emotional dark corners.

She deliberately overdosed on sleeping pills on one particular Christmas (I think I was in high school), and yet insisted on 'doing' Christmas like nothing had happened.


I may have gone a bit overboard on having NON-tense Christmas - even when my kids were little, I would never allow it to become that huge overpowering monster. The children usually got one "big" present, and a lot of little ones. Dinner was relaxed (always Chinese on Christmas Eve) with just us - sometimes local friends.

I'm just babbling here - playing Psych 101 and trying to get some of the bad memories out on paper and out of my mind.

Tomorrow will be cheerier, I promise.

SHOUTING MATCH

This evening, a potentially angry shouting match was resolved peacefully.

By me, amazingly enough.

Calling any 800 number for tech assistance two days before Christmas is obviously treading on very unstable ground. 

You have staff who are overworked, underpaid, and suffering the same pre-holiday stress that everyone is feeling.

And they are taking calls from dingbats like me, who can't tell an antenna intake from that other set of yellow, red and white plugs, which are supposed to go someplace.

The guy who answered my phone call was NOT having a good day.

And he let me know it.

I could have shouted back, demanded to talk to his supervisor, and get a bad mark put in his file.

But I didn't.

I took a deep breath, and put myself in his place.

We ended up talking about his very bright and caring seven-year-old son who rounded up three boxes of his toys and asked his dad to give them away to some needy children,

It ended up being very civil and nice.

Although my television is still not working.

But a lot of bad karma got blown away that could have been a bad ending to both of our days,

LIVING LIKE A PIONEER

When someone mentions "pioneers", I think of wagon trains going across the Midwest and the Rocky Mountains.

I think of women in sun-bleached calico dresses, hanging their wash up. 

Children with slightly dirty faces and chubby fists fishing in the stream. 

Hard, quiet men and women planting their crops and silently praying for the necessary sun and rain for them to grow.



What I haven't thought about in the past is long, long winter nights.

Where the sun sets around 5 p.m., and total darkness settles in before 6 p.m.

Nights where you have one or two candles to prepare dinner by - do any reading or studying by.

And a limited amount of candles for the winter.

Also the cold.

Heat being restricted to a fireplace or oven.

Staying huddled up in beds, sharing your blankets with siblings and spouses for communal heat.






Our furnace stopped working this past week.

And although, praise God, our electricity continues to come steadily through, it's been getting done in the mid 30's every night.

It's cold in here.

And I can't imagine how bored out of my mind I would be if the power quit - and I had no computer, no internet access, no DVD, no music, no light to read by.

I think I appreciate the pioneers in this country just a little bit more now. 

SO RIGHT WHEN THE CAR IS PAID OFF...

It's the same old story.

You get your car paid off....

... and then it begins breaking down,

The warranty date comes up and passes...




... and the appliance needs repairs immediately.

And we just paid off our land and house.

So what happens today?





My bathroom ceiling begins to leak when it's raining today.


And the heater stops working, and it's supposed to be in the 30's tonight.

Figures, right?.

LEAVING A CAT ALONE

I was gone from our house for almost three weeks, and my cat is certainly not going to let me forget that.

When I sit down, the cat jumps in my lap.

When I walk, the cat is weaving between my feet with each step.

When I lay down, the cat burrows into the blankets, snuggles up right against my stomach, and goes to sleep.

I don't think the cat really missed me, she missed my physical warmth and occasional treats.

But I will think twice about my next vacation, and what payback she may have lined up for me.

HOME SWEET SWEET HOME

Yes, I had a perfectly lovely time in Southern California with my daughter's family.

I got to sleep on a MUCH more expensive and nicer mattress than what I have at home.

I played with my grand kids, and watched way too episodes of "American's Funniest Home Videos" (which still seems to me to be nothing but repeated shots of men getting painfully hit in the groin).

I ate In 'N Out burgers every single chance I got, and learned to love Jersey Mike's subs.

I learned my ten-year-old grandson can give pretty good directions to a lot of places in and around Oceanside.

But I'm back with my same old slightly lumpy mattress with my favorite two green blankets and my best pillow.

I have a crazy dog dancing around every time she sees me.

I have a cat curled up immediately in my lap when ever I sit down.

I have a horse which whinnies anytime he sees me outside.

I have eighteen episodes of The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, the Colbert Report, Modern Family and Elementary to watch.

And I still have half of a left-over pizza in the fridge for breakfast and lunch tomorrow.

I am happy to be back home.

IDEAL IDLE IDEAS

My granddaughter asked me today what was my favorite activity.

I had to say sleeping.

I've very good at sleeping. I'm good at falling asleep, and staying asleep, and going back to sleep when I don't stay asleep.

I don't have bad dreams - sometimes incredibly BUSY ones, but nothing like nightmares.

I've been sleeping for the past week on the most comfortable mattress I think I have ever experienced.

Right now, going to sleep sounds like a wonderful use of my time.